Ineffable Ontological Detanglement .: Introspective Assistance & Mental Analysis Manual
Even if you think you are not the type of person to feel the societal shame, the idea of somebody finding your pornography is always horrifying. Societal sexual repression has also caused the obsessive compulsive porn hoarder, "I have a SEEEECRET. A dirty little SEEEECRET. I have $20 000 worth of pornography hidden in my closet." You've been living under the repression for far too long, you snap. You realize touching yourself is incredibly fun, it has been forbidden to you for so long, you become addicted. You know that society is coming to take this away from you, you hoard and hide. You become the deranged shameful disgusting freak society expects you to be for engaging in masturbation.
The average person being ashamed of their pornography, even the ones who do not feel this shame, know that if one of the others ever sees that they have a collection of pornography, in their mind they become this. Underneath the "we don't acknowledge these things" societal shield you are either legitimate ridiculous levels of holy fuck embarrassing or you're horrified this is how you will be viewed when it is revealed that you masturbate.
The days of Christian sexual repression in the west can be declared over, the remnants of this repression turned into this and then modern society comes down on top of it, declares you pathetic for being unable to get laid and turns the act of masturbation into the most pathetic of embarrassing shame. You will notice the more repression and shame there is in your culture, the more the pornography of your culture becomes incredibly deprived and out there. This feeds the fetish people are weird people societal attitude. This feeds the anybody who masturbates is incredibly deprived attitude. Societal pressure pushes down on you and makes you all the more deprived. It is self reaffirming, it is an incredibly uncomfortable societal state of being, it can drive you into the deepest of darkness, and it's about touching your penis.
Occasionally engaging in pornography isn't going to do anything negative to your psyche, being an addict will do negative things to your psyche. Desensitize your brain to the point that even if you're getting laid in real life it isn't going to be much of anything to you anymore, all this is to you is the meaningless mechanical release. Even superficial sex addicts are getting more out of the experience than people who have rammed so much pornography into their psyche that the act of sex isn't even really a thing at all anymore it's basically equivalent to eating breakfast at best. If you're less interested in relationships because now you have pornography, the quantity of pornography you watch is not the issue, you have a different issue, they're interconnected and related but you didn't lose interest in emotional connection BECAUSE you have been exposed to too much pornography.
If you keep engaging in your addiction within the societal shame you're really going to fuck up your perceptions of the self, your perceptions of sex, you're going to break the entire concept of you within sex in your mind. You will have done so much damage to your perception of the self that at this point your only way out of it is going to be a complete and total redo of the self and some psychedelic work on closing yourself off from your past.
The disgusting perverted things you do internally can destroy you. Mostly it's because you feel to your bones that you are a disgusting person, it background overrides your entire perception of yourself, you start to see your every interaction from the perspective of a disgusting pervert, it combines forces with the childhood related "I might be weird" insecurities and it drives your entire perception of yourself into the dirt.
Now, a lot of the things you think are disgusting are nothing to worry about, there's no need to drive yourself into feelings of gross over most fetishes. With shit fetish it's a little inevitable, but you don't need to hammer it into your bones that you're DISGUSTING, just, at worst if you wish to feel negative about it all it is is you're a little off, but, the mindset behind it isn't a bad one. You don't need to feel gross over being a little attracted to your cousins or even your siblings, for a moment you're looking at them as an attractive facebody or even an attractive personality and you semi-involuntary choose to forget they're your cousin or sibling, in your mind they're on the same level with you as the friends you grew up with, it really isn't something worth calling yourself disgusting over. Your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, suspending the family position in your mind so you can find them attractive, that one goes to rightfully disgusting internal places. You can feel it in your body, with your cousins and siblings you do an artificial hammer down "I'm disgusting for thinking this." With your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles you feel to the depths of your soul that you are disgusting. However an incest fetish, that one is bad, because the naughty bad you're obsessed with for the purposes of being baaad real baaad is sex with your own family. That one is rightfully gonna wrap your internal world in some gross. This is your obsession. You're obsessed with your sister, well, okay. You're obsessed with the concept of your sister being your sister, not okay.
All pornography that zooms in on a woman's floppy mutilated vagina as forty zoomed in penises take turns entering it with the flrop schlorp noises cranked up and reproductive fluids splattering on the camera could only ever come out of a society with a repression problem. That's not... That's not how you're supposed to look at sex. That's... Not... That's not how us artists like to appreciate the beauty that is sex. I generally prefer to stay away from the mechanical portions of it in my mind, I don't need to think about the fact that there is a big stupid looking long pointy thing coming out of me and I like to stick it in things. Somebody on a message board once posted a ridiculous furry porn of a massive wolf man with a 10 foot long 2 foot diameter penis as the wolf man does the tensed arms back pose and I was all "Ah. I see. So the phallus is the stupidest fucking thing ever. Anybody who finds beauty in it is weird idiot." That whole penises enter vaginas and it's exciting scene... Is... Gross. It's all repression's fault. I'm declaring penis entering vagina the least beautiful aspect of sex and the only reason anybody would ever obsess over it is repression.
As a child I assumed this is what we go after, I'll take a look at it... I see, spread eagle, emphasis on the hair and the mutilation of age and gang molestation. Uh. Uh. Nope. This is not what I'm after, I'm going to have to find something other than pornography. See, now, the rest of us can't really do it with you overwhelming majority that causes the advertisements of women who are obtainable and within the same feelings as you are. You're causing us some internal problems, we don't even want to think about the internal problems it's causing for the models in these advertisements. It's uh... It's a bit of journey through the psyche looking at a porn website. Kinda. Kinda need to do some intense compartmentalization, generally the best we have is an OKAY and some sort of joke, but, no, this is not funny this is serious.