Ineffable Ontological Detanglement .: Introspective Assistance & Mental Analysis Manual
Stop telling people it's okay. Stop telling people it's just okay to be a homosexual.
The same people who say there is no such thing as any difference between races will tell a homosexual that it's okay to be different, you're a little outside of our conception of normal but that's just okay. There's so much emotional investment around the idea that some of us are different and some of us are the same, why anybody even bothers producing any feelings towards different and same will always be beyond me. Everyone you deem different would be a hell of a lot more comfortable if you never tried to reassure them that it's okay that you're different, it's okay you can get through this, it's okay society can learn to accept you. Even the people who need to be reassured that it's okay, they don't want to hear the word different. There's no need to care about our differences.
"I accept you as gay because I am a kind and compassionate person" is horrid. I have a lot to say about the kind, gentle, soft liberal attitude however here is where it self destructs pretty hard. Think about yourself telling a black person you will accept him because you are kind. It don't sound so good, does it? We should not be liberal because we are nice enough to allow people to be whatever they are, we should be liberal because we are smart, we understand the alternative is pretty fucking stupid. I don't think you people understand the significance of the alternative being pretty fucking stupid if the only reason you will allow them to be what they are is that you are compassionate. You may glance at it intellectually however you are not living in it.
Some of you may be thinking "Just don't" and if you are entirely distant from your family I will not actually declare this an unhealthy outlook like you may be expecting from a psychology nerd, you know they're a bunch of idiots, it isn't your concern, leave it. However you do run the risk of being found out, if you don't give a damn about your idiot family finding out you are in the correct "Just don't." If you do give a damn about your family finding out, you are not, and so just confront them for the sake of not having to run from feelings.
Remember, all of this frantic emotion in your face is fucking stupid, and if it hurts you to your core you are not a proper independent adult, you have not properly dealt with your attachment, and it's even possible you have not properly dealt with your own comfort in your sexuality. Before you approach your family, make sure you are 100% comfortable in your sexuality. Your family is moronic, you have an attachment due to the fact that you grew up with them. It is not entirely important to drop the attachment it is only important not to focus on the attachment...
This moment is the moment of loss of attachment. If your family is moronic, drop the bomb, give them space, see if they can figure this thing out on their own. If they can in fact figure it out, know that you will always carry the wall that has been created and so your attachment is lost, however things are civil. If they cannot figure it out... My advice is disconnect entirely, drop all remaining attachment, that's it. From now on all they are to you are the blobs of carbon that sparked your blob of carbon and attempted to raise it.
Attachment is not love, you can love without attachment. Some of you may need to go as far as dropping love, this is difficult due to your biological drives, if you're still in a state of passion over it, it still drives sadness and anger into you, it isn't dropped yet, in this state you are likely to be prone to denial of your feelings so just understand you are in a state, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you will know when you're there. There is always an "I love my parents" trigger in your brain however there is now a permanent lock over it, it is a feeling automatically denied and you're comfortable, it's just biology. If you can't seem to put the lock on it, you need psychedelics.
You may be thinking "But my family is very close, everything is very normal, it's been normal for 25 years and if I come out in this manner it will disrupt the undisruptible normal for everyone in the family." This is a thing that applies to more than coming out, if within you there is ever burning emotion but you have to present a face in order to maintain the normal because releasing it would devastate the normal... It's really just removing yourself from the normal and finding something else, the normal can go on without you, chances are the normal won't be quite as devastated as you think it is but if it is it can fuck off. Drop your attachment and don't concern yourself with whether or not they can drop theirs, they're the ones making you feel this way anyway, you're the one who needs to do this and they are the ones who need to deal.
After putting the lock of ignore over the biological drive to love your parents, you're not getting it back. If you can get it back you never did it properly. If your parents one day come around, you still no longer love your parents. These are not your parents. These are some other people. Your parents are the people who raised you and then drove you to place a biological lock of ignore over the drive to love your parents. You can still like these people, engage with these people, be completely civil around these people, be very happy these people came around, but, these are some other people.